Tony's Time
by Official Scroll Keeper
Summary: What do you do in embarassing situations with strangers? Ask Tony he's the expert. I ran across an Alice in Wonderland song and decided it was perfect for a FF with Tony, so enjoy!
1. How D'ye Do and Shake Hands

**Dislcaimer: **Walt Disney owns this not me. I found it The New Illustrated Disney Songbook ©1986 The Walt Disney Company on pg. 83 and it was written by Cy Coben and the music was by Oliver Wallace.

There I hope I got everyone who should be given credit in there.

The Verses

**How D'ye Do and Shake Hands**

You go through life and never know the day

when fate may bring a situation that will prove to be

embarrassing, your face gets red, you hide your head

And wish that you could die, but that's old fashioned,

Here's a new thing you should really try,

**Chorus:**

Say:

"How d'ye do" and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands,

Say "how d'ye do" and shake hands, state your name and

Bus'ness.

You introduce your girlfriend to your very special beau

And then he doesn't call you and the next thing that you

Know you see them both a-walking down the street as big

As life, and when he says, "My dear, I'd like to have you

Meet my wife,

**  
Chorus  
**

You take your girl friend on a date and you have so much fun

That you forget to bring her home until it's after one,

Her father's waiting at the door as angry as can be,

I've had that happen lots of times, so take this tip from me,

**Chorus  
**

While at the wedding of some folks you hardly know by sight,

And in conversation with a woman on your right

You say you think the bride's a mess, her face she ought to hide,

And when you find you're talking to the mother of the bride,

**Chorus  
**

While walking thru a cemetery very late at night

You find that you're confronted by a figure dressed in white

And tho the blood inside your veins has quickly turned to ice

Everything will be O.K. if you take my advice

**Chorus  
**

You walking into a resturant as hungry as can be,

And when you've had your meal of everything from A to Z

You realize you haven't got a single cent with you

And when the manager comes over this is what you do

**Chorus  
**

You're speeding down the highway and the feeling is superb,

And then you hear a siren and "Pull over to the curb,"

And when a cop who's big and tough comes walking up to you

And asks you where the firs is that you are going to,

**Chorus  
**

You go into a barbershop to get yourself a shave,

And if you are the kind of guy who never can behave

You ask the manicurist for a little kiss or two

And then when you discover it's her husband shaving you

**Chorus  
**

A handshake and a happy greeting's mighty hard to beat,

So at the risk of boring you I'm going to repeat

Remember in the future that no matter what you do

Here's one way to get out of any mess you get into

**Chorus  
**

**

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**I hope you enjoyed it and the first chapter will be up shortly.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything NCIS or Alice in Wonderland.

Some of you may be wondering what this story has to do with Alice in Wonderland. Well in the cartoon disney version when Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are singing the "How do you do, and shake hands song," there are like 7 verses or something like that. They don't sing them all but my mother has a disney song book for piano and it has all the verses in there. I ran across it one night when I was thinking about what I could do for an NCIS fanfic and decided it was perfect for Tony. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will hopefully have the others typed up soon. **I only add more chapters when at least 1 person reviews.**

ENJOY! R&R!

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**Chapter 1**

Anthony Dinozzo was in in Second Grade the first time it happened. His friend Chloe had stolen his bouncy ball and he was chasing he around the playground trying to get it back.

She was a blonde haired, blue-eyed little girl with her hair in pigtails that bounced when she ran. She turned around holding the bouncy ball out and taunting him. "Come on Tony!"

Tony stopped to catch his breath for only a moment then he continued running after her. He found her sitting on a swing waiting for him. "Can I have my ball back?"

"Maybe." She smiled, her coy little smile.

In that moment Tony had a strange thought which he quickly shook off. "Can I have it back if I push you?" he gestured to the swing.

"Sure." She answered nodding.

Instead of pushing her from behind, Tony grabbed the chains and pulled them forward. Then he released them.

Chloe giggle and glanced around the playground. Again he had a funny thought but pushed it from his mind.

"Here you go." Chloe tossed the ball into his hands and continued swinging on her own, forcing him to step back.

He turned and waved over his shoulder as he headed towards the school. He began throwing the ball against the wall and a few more boys joined him. After about ten more minutes the bell rang, ending recess.

He ran inside the building and sat down at his desk, shoving the bouncy ball into his pocket.

The rest of the day he was restless, his mind fixated on Chloe's hair, face, eyes, and lips. He didn't know why and it was beginning to frustrate him. He kept stealing peeks at her across the classroom and noticed she kept looking at him and smiling. Then she'd look away and go back to her work when she noticed he was noticing her.

When the bell rang for the day to end Tony lagged behind everyone else. He walked over to the coat rack and grabbed his little black jacket, and started to put it on. As he turned around to look at the classroom he noticed Chloe was still there. She was coming over to the coatrack as well and so he grabbed her coat for her. "Here you go." He said, handing it to her. It was light pink and look good on her.

"Thanks Tony." She looked around the classroom and then back at him. Their teacher was in the hall speaking with one of the parents.

Tony couldn't help feeling nervous but he didn't know why. Suddenly he had that funny thought, only this time it urged him on.

He looked at Chloe again and then pressed his lips up against hers, closing his eyes. It was over in three seconds and Chloe had pulled back.

He found she was glaring at him. "What?" He asked.

Chloe looked over at the doorway where the teacher and Chloe's mother were both standing with their mouths hanging open.

"Chloe!" Her mother was shocked.

"It wasn't me, it was him!" She yelled a bit histerically, while pointing at Tony.

Tony started fidgetting nervously. He didn't know what to do, so he did what his mother made him do when he met someone new. He stretched out his hand and said, "how do you do, Ma'am?" Then when all he got in response was a glare he dropped his hand and gave her a smile women would go mad for in years to come.

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It was kinda short but I hope you enjoyed it. Please _**Review!!!!  
**  
Thankies,  
OSK_


	3. Chapter 2

Special Thanks to **Tani May Trybrand** for commenting on the first chapter, because she enabled you all to be able to read the Second Chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything NCIS!

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**Chapter 2**

"Tony, I thought we were going to a movie." Sarah looked at him questioningly. "Where are we going?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, actually."

"What?!" She shrieked. "You don't have anything planned for our 7 month anniversary?"

Tony smiled as he thought of the day 7 months ago. December 16th. It was her birthday, she hadn't been able to date until she turned 16. As soon as she was he'd asked her out.

"Tony!" She punched him lightly on the arm. "Where are we going?"

He stopped the car and gave her a mischievous look as he said, "we're not going anywhere now." Then he shut the door and slid across the hood quickly. He opened the door and helped her step out. He blind-folded her and took her hands.

"Tony where are we-"

"You'll see."

Stopping under a tree, Tony removed the blind-fold and pointed up.

"A treehouse?" Sarah was a little confused and skeptical.

"Up you go." Tony said, pointing up.

Sarah ascended the ladder and looked around. There were three crates, one with a tablecloth and a candle on it. There were other crates that were stacked as shelves and all held pictures, toys, or blankets and pillows.

Tony had made it up the ladder and motioned for her to sit on one of the crates. He looked around him, patting his pockets,

"Looking for something?"

"Yeah a-" He grabbed a small object and brandished it triumphantly. "A Lighter." He lit the candle and then sat down on the other crate facing Sarah.

"So what are we eating?" Sarah gestured to the plates on the largest crate.

"Turkey sandwiches, to drink, your favorite apple juice."

As they ate they talked aobut school, family, everything they could think of.

They talked and talked until their problems were all gone and their minds were winding into the content feeling we all crave.

They both were sitting with a companionable silence between them until Sarah glanced at her watch.

"Oh no! It's 12:30."

"What was your curfew?"

"Midnight, what'll I do?"

"Well, I guess we get you home ASAP."

She nodded and started to cleanup.

"Don't bother. I'm coming back later, let's not waste anytime." He blew out the candle and stood up.

Down the ladder and back to the car quickly.

Tony still insisted on opening her door for her. Then he rushed over to his side and got in the car.

_She's already late, what's another 20 minutes gonna do?_ Tony asked himself. It didn't matter when he got her home. She was still late. However getting her home by 1 was better than 2 or even later.

Sarah grabbed his hand nearest to her and started nervously playing with his fingers.

"I'm sorry, if I'd known I would've watched the clock closer."

Sarah looked at him, a little surprise in her green eyes. "It's not your fault. I knew about my curfew. I should've paid closer attention to the time."

He still felt bad, but now Tony turned his concentration to the road. It was gonna be a long drive, although it was only 40 minutes to her house.

When they reached her house, Sarah just sat there. She didn't want to go in. There was a light on in the living room and a silhouette was outlined in the window.

She sighed and began to get out, when Tony held her hand a little tighter and stopped her.

"I still feel kind of responsible, so how about I walk you in and apologize to your parent's?" He said it in the form of a question but there was no question about it.

She nodded in spite of this fact and opened the door for herself, waiting for Tony to turn off the car and join her.

The walk across the lawn was grueling and when she quietly opened the door it creaked. She froze where she was and her father, in his bathrobe, pajamas, and slippers came out of the living room into the entrace hall. "What time did we tell you to be back?" He shouted in a whisper.

"What is he doing here? Did you think you we're going to be able to sneak him up to your bedroom!" Now he was no longer whisper he was shouting.

"No Daddy-"

"Go up to your room immediately, and you are grounded from this boy for a whole 2 weeks at least!"

"Daddy!" Sarah shouted now.

While her father was gathering his breath for another wind Tony spoke up.

"How do you do sir?" He held out his hand.

Over his spectacles, Sarah's father gave him a look that said he was a complete and total idiot. "How do you think I am?!"

"Well, sir the thing is, I think you're a little upset right now and if I could just say something, I think you're going to see that all of this shouting is completely unnecessary."

"What?"

"Well you see, uh sir, me and your daughter were just having a little picnic and we'd been talking for quite a while when Sarah realized it was 12:30. She was in a frenzy and we hurried to get her home."

Tony paused and her father nodded for him to continue.

"So we drove back as quickly as was reasonably possible and when we got here, she was a little nervous about facing you. So I asked her if she wanted me to walk her to the door. See I kind of felt responsible and I wanted to apologize to you for bringing her home so late. We weren't going up to her room or anything sir, honest." He took a breath and squeezed Sarah's hand. "So you see, sir, I'm sorry I brought her home so late and I will try harder to make sure this doesn't happen again. Good night." Tony ducked his head and gave Sarah a quick kiss before turning around and walking out to his car.

Sarah shut the front door and looked at her father. "It's the truth Daddy." She said it quietly.

Her father heaved a sigh and looked her over. "I suppose I over reacted a bit."

"Maybe just a bit."

"He seems like a nice boy."

"You're just realizing this now?"

"Well," her father grumbled, "no on is ever good enough for my little girl."

She smiled. "Good night Daddy." She began walking up the stairs when her father said, "you're still grounded."

"What?"

"Only for a day though, tomorrow is Saturday, you're going to stay home and help your mother tomorrow. She needs help with some baking she's doing."

Sarah nodded in a resigned manner and then continued on up to her room.

Outside Tony watched as the silhouettes disappeared and the lights in the house went out. Then he drove back to his little treehouse and finished cleaning up.

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I hope you enjoyed this second chapter and the third one will go up as soon as I see someone has _**REVIEWED!!!**_ But not before.

Thankies,  
OSK


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing to do with NCIS, thank you very much!

Enjoy!!!

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**Chapter 3**

Tony was at a bar after a hard day's work. They'd just closed a case and Gibb's had given them all the night off. That's how he found himself in a bar with Ziva, McGee, Ducky, and Abby. They had invited Gibbs but he had declined and had headed home.

_Probably working on another boat,_ though Ducky.

Tony had not been drinking heavily, but the girl next to him obviously had. Tony was chatting it up with the girl and had bet McGee $10 bucks that he'd have her number, at least, by the end of the night.

"So Lauren, what do you do for a living?" He was leaning towards the girl.

"Actually I work here, but right now I'm just here to relax."

Tony nodded. "That's why I'm here too. I just got done with a pretty tough case."

"Oh, so you're like a cop?" She asked, slurring her words.

"Uh, no I work for NCIS, Naval Criminal…"

"What?"

"Never mind. Yeah, I'm a cop."

She laughed and nodded.

"So you come here often?" Tony asked her. "I mean when you're not working."

"Yeah, I'm pretty much here 24/7."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She was scooting closer to him. "I get pretty lonely at home…you know all alone. So I come back to work."

Abby, Ziva and Ducky were disgusted with the girl. She was so drunk. McGee was more worried about his money.

"If you don't mind me asking, how much have you had tonight?" He gestured to her drink.

"I'm not sure, I feel~drunk."

Tony laughed, "great." He waited until she finished her drink and ordered another one for her. He didn't like the cold looks the bartender was sending him, but he ignored him.

"So , you should give me your number and maybe we can grab a bite to eat sometime. Eating with someone is probably less lonely." He smiled that smile. The one he had a copyright on.

"Well, I would but-"

Suddenly Tony was jerked off his stoold and his drink sloshed over the counter.

"YOU LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE!" The bartender was grasping Tony's shirt by the collar.

"Uh, she's your girlfriend?" Tony let his eyes glance around. "How do you do?" Tony held out his hand. "Does she know she's your girlfriend?"

Instead of infuriating the bartender more, this seemed to settle him down some.

"She does but she's always been flirtatious and she's had a lot to drink tonight. He relaxed his muscles, shook Tony's hand, and started cleaning up the mess he'd made.

Ducky decided they'd all had enough to drink and stood up to leave.

"McGeek you're driving me home right?" Tony didn't think he should be driving at he moment, he was feeling a little woozy.

"If you pay me $10."

"Alright." Tony pulled out his wallet as he climbed into McGee's car. He handed McGee 10 dollars, then started to put his wallet away.

McGee got in on the driver's side and said, "you're short $10."

"What? No, I'm not."

"Oh really? Where's her number?"

Tony looked confused for only a moment, then recognition dawned on his face. He groaned as he pulled his wallet back out and his hand delved once more into it's contents. He brought forth another $10 and handed it to McGee.

"Do you have any smaller bills?"

Tony Gave McGee the look. "No, McGiggle, I don't."

"Ok." McGee turned his key in the ignition and drove off.

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I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. This is one story I really love to update. So hopefully It'll be done in the next couple of weeks. Before Spring Break if you guys keep on _**REVIEWING!!!**_

The next chapter is written, I just have to type it up so, review!

__Thankies for all the reviews,  
OSK


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:** I own nothing to do with NCIS or the characters.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"You with me Dinozzo?" Gibb's voice came through Tony's earwig.

"Yeah Boss, I just didn't realize the future Mrs. Miller was such a-"

"Dinozzo! It doesn't matter what you think of the bride. We're here to make sure Miller doesn't get shot before he says, 'I do.' Clear?!"

"Yeah Boss." Tony turned his gaze away from the bride searching for anyone that looked like their possible hit man. "Boss, that man and woman over at that table are looking a little nervous. I'm gonna go check them out. I know it's just a rehearsal reception but, maybe the hit man is going to off him now."

"Go Dinozzo. Ziva cover him, discreetly, now."

Tony was sauntering over to a table near the front, where an older looking man and woman sat.

"Hey, I'm Anthony Dinardo, mind if I sit down?" Tony pulled out a chair, and ignored the pain he felt in his chest when he gave his code name while he was with Jeanne. "I'm a friend of Brian's."

The man and woman nodded at him. He asked the man if he had a cigarette and when the man told him he didn't he looked like he needed one.

"You don't smoke sir?" Tony asked.

"No, I do not," he face softened. "Well, at least, I'm trying not to. My daughter asked me to quit."

"Smart daughter." Tony replied. _No wonder he was so fidgety._

Tony glanced at Ziva and shook his head slightly. Not the hit man.

"You know, I was just thinking if that's what the bride looks like, what must her mother look like?" As he glanced away from the bride, the woman at the table glared at him.

"I'm her mother." she said with contempt.

"Oh…" Tony mouthed.

"I'm her father," said the man.

"Uh, hehe. How do you do?" Tony asked offering his hand first to the mother then to the father. Neither one shook it. "Well, we could look at the bright side. At least Brian's not a shallow jerk like me. I'm just gonna go now." Tony walked away quickly.

Through his earwig he could hear an uproar of laughter.

"Ziva, you weren't suppose to have heard that. People will wonder why you're laughing." Tony reminded her.

The laughter quieted. "Right. Sorry."

Gibbs chuckled at his team. "Mr. Shallow, not that we know who they are, get back to looking around. We've got a hit man to catch."

Gibbs glimpsed Ziva slip into the ladies room before he heard her chuckling.

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I hope you enjoyed this newest chapter. Sorry it took me so long to get it up. I had it all written just not typed.

Thankies for reading, now REVIEW! One review if you want the next chapter, at least.

Thankies,

OSK


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything to do with NCIS or it's characters. Although me and my friend wouldn't mind splitting Tony between us.

**Enjoy!!!**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Tony carefully and quietly pulled his gun from it's holster. He crept towards the darkened cemetery and grumbled in his mind at the fog that covered the ground.

_How are we supposed to see this guy?_

Ziva was coming in from the west entrance and McGee and Gibbs had the other to covered.

Tony checked behind every headstone. _When I die, I will not buy one of these headstones that stand up. It just makes a cops job that much harder when he has to search through a cemetery._

The silence Tony heard coming in on his earwig annoyed the hell out of him.

Gibbs had been very specific, not communication while in the graveyard, unless you need help.

They all had on their bullet proof vests, too bad they made Tony feel like a walking target. A bullet proof vest all but screamed, "Shoot me!"

He cleared another row of headstones and then began to see something moving in the darkness.

"Ziva, I've got him." He said very evenly and quietly. "Hiding behind 6,2."

They had all had to memorize the grid system McGee had set up earlier on their way here, chasing down the murder.

In fact they all had less than five minutes to memorize it. However they were trained for stuff exactly like this.

"I've got a visual. You're sure it's him?" Ziva asked. Pointing her gun in the spot Tony had said.

"Yes." Short, brief answers.

Suddenly the culprit was up and running. Leaping over headstones. _Damn it! Why did he have to run track all through high school._ Some of the headstones were quite high.

Tony took off after him, pointing the gun, but the guy was weaving and dodging. He was good. It was too hard for Tony to lock on him to shoot.

He kept up the chase, aware that the rest of the team were right behind him.

Suddenly the Murderer disappeared from view. Tony almost stopped running but instead he kept up to the last place he'd remembered seeing him.

He glanced behind the headstone where the culprit crouched, hoping to hide.

Tony walked around the headstone and tripped over a gravestone, the flat kind. He flew towards the culprit and the butt of his gun accidentally hit him on the head.

The Murderer's body relaxed as he fell over, unconscious.

"Oops. How do you do?" He reached out and grabbed the guys hands, shoving his handcuffs on. Then he waited for everyone else to catch up.

"Is he dead?" McGee asked.

"Nope, just knocked, out. I tripped."

Ziva let a chuckle escape her lips, then quieted. "Let's get him back to base."

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So I hope you enjoyed. I know these chapters are kind of short, but they don't need to be long to convery everything I want.

I want FEEDBACK, meaning you need to _**REVIEW!!**_ If you want to read the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything NCIS, I would love to have a sleepover with Abby though.

**Enjoy!!**

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**Chapter 6**

"It was the ex-wife." Gibbs spoke aloud what they were all thinking. "Dinozzo, Ziva, I want her in custody!"

Tony and Ziva were already on their way to the elevator.

Once the ex-wife had been brought in and arrested for the murder of her ex-husband, everyone waited at their desk to hear two little words.

"Go home." No one needed to be told twice. While Gibbs gathered up his things, Tony, Ziva, and McGee clambered into the elevator.

"So who's hungry?" Tony asked "I'm buying."

"Really?" Ziva asked. "You're buying dinner?"

"Yeah."

"With your wallet, or McGee's?"

"Haha, mine." He patted his pocket that held his wallet.

"Fine, I'm in." Ziva said.

"Well, I guess I could go. Although I'm bordering a deadline…"

"Writing again, Probie?" Tony asked.

"Yes Tony, and those characters-"

"Were not based on you guys." Tony finished in a whiny, nasally tone.

"I don't sound like that Tony, and they aren't."

"Of course not McAuthor. Where should we eat?"

They all agreed on where to go and met up there 20 minutes later.

It was a nice resturant and Ziva felt a little underdressed, but hse ignored the feeling and ordered a creamy looking chicken alfredo dish.

McGee ordered a plate of chicken roasted, with a side of salad.

Tony ordered a steak. The most expensive item on the menu.

Once their food had arrived they were all quiet, eating their food and thinking of the case they'd just finished.

When they were all beginning to fill up, and McGee started to worry about his deadline again.

"I just don't know where to go with the story."

"What is this one about?"

McGee explained the basic storyline of his book.

"I don't know how to set it up so the ending occurs soon after the characters hook up."

"Right well, Probie, go out and rent a movie called 'Wicker Park.'"

"Why 'Wicker Park?'"

"The characters are kind of in the same boat as yours. I think it might help." Tony looked at the table to see if they were all done eating. Then he reached into his pocket for his face looked confused at first and then fell altogether.

"Tony?" Ziva asked.

"I thought I grabbed it. I was sure I did." He pulled a digital personal planner out of his pocket and glared at it. "I grabbed her planner by mistake."

"Her?" Ziva latched onto the keyword. "Your little sister's perhaps?" She asked to tease him.

"No, I don't have a sister. I had a date last night."

"Ohhh." Ziva said smiling. "Did you really?"

McGee looked a bit stunned. "This means you don't have money on you, right Tony?"

"Right McGee. No cards, and no money."

Their waiter who had just brought them the check overheard this and scurried off to get the manager.

When the manager heard this he marched over to Tony's table.

Tony looked up to find a large, bulky man looming over him.

"Sir, am I to understand you have no money with you?"

"Uh, how do you do?" Tony held out his hand.

"If this atrocity I've heard is true, I will be better off than you."

Tony lowered his hand and looked at McGee.

McGee sighed. "I've got it Tony." Then he smiled. "Although maybe I should let you squirm a little more and only pay for Mine and Ziva's dinners." He was only joking, and laughed good naturedly.

Ziva laughed. "Thank you, McGee. Tony what was that about not paying with McGee's money?"

"I'm sorry, I'm only human and I thought I grabbed my wallet."

"Sir may I make a suggestion." The manager asked. "Next time, don't order the steak."

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What did you think? Good/bad? Funny/not so much?

Let me know. _**REVIEW!!**_ I'll put the next chapter up as soon as you do.

Thankies,

OSK


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything NCIS, except one DVD with 4 episodes on it.

**Enjoy!**

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"Dinozzo!"

"On him, Boss." Tony said into his phone. "He's headed your way."

"There is one street we couldn't block off. If he goes that way, follow him. Don't lose him."

"Yep Boss." Tony glanced down at his car. He loved it. He didn't want to wreck it but if it became necessary he would let his car be banged around. As long as they caught the Son of a-

"Boss he's accelerating! I don't think he's gonna stop." He looked at the dashboard and saw he was pushing 95mph. _We were just doing 80 two seconds ago._

Tony looked back up and saw a cop car pulling out in front of him with the lights flashing. He honked and the cop honked back. Tony pushed on the break and stopped just before he hit the car. He back up so the cop could get out and took out his badge.

"Gibbs, I lost him, I think I'm about to get a speeding ticket. Plus another ticket for being on my cell phone. I'm pretty sure he was headed for your roadblock. I gotta go."

The cop tapped his knuckles on the window and Tony rolled it down and showed his ID and his badge.

"You realize you were going 95 in a-"

Tony cut him off. "How do you do?"

The man was startled. "I do fine. I'm actually a little nervous. This is my first week."

"You feel fine? Well wait until Gibbs get's through with you."

"Wha-what?"

Tony pointed the direction the other car had gone.

"If we lose the car I was tailing, you are sure to be fired."

"Fired?! But-" he started sputtering and he was zoning out, picturing being fired, no doubt.

Tony's phone rang and he answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Gibbs?"

"HE GOT AWAY!"

"I'll bring in the guy who delayed me."

"Do that. See you back at NCIS."

Tony hung up and looked at the guy. "Get in your car and follow me. If you don't follow me, I'll catch you and arrest you for obstruction of justice. You're about to meet my boss."

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What did you think? _**REVIEW!!**_ and let me know! Otherwise you don't get the second to last chapter.

Thankies,

OSK


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I own nada to do with NCIS or it's characters.

Please Enjoy!

* * *

"So this is what I need. A little off the top and a little more around the sounds." Tony told the guy who would be cutting his hair.

The man nodded and got to work. Tony was a little disappointed and anxious to be out of there.

He had been hoping the pretty girl cleaning the station next to this one would be the one to cut his hair. But he'd been out of luck as this man had stepped forward to call his name.

Any guy that makes a living cutting hair must be either gay or a pussy. Tony wondered which one this guy was.

"So…how's life?" Tony asked him.

"Not bad." The man replied curtly. Obviously he wasn't into talking.

Tony shrugged he didn't need to talk to him. He could talk to the girl sweeping up her station.

"So what are you doing tonight?" Tony asked, catching her gaze in the mirror.

She smiled a brilliant smile and ignored him. She kept walking to empty her dustpan and then glanced around the small parlor. It was a slow day.

Bored she wandered back to her station and sat in the chair. Twirling she kept catching Tony's eye.

"Ok, what are you doing Friday night?"

She looked as if she were considering.

Suddenly the man cutting his hair cut extremely close to her right ear. The scissors snapped away at his hair.

Tony glanced in the mirror. "Hey! I said a _little_ off the top and a little more off the sides. You've taken too much off the top on this right side!"

"Oh, so sorry. Why don't you let me even it out for you."

Tony looked pained as his hair was snipped shorter and shorter until finally…"That's good enough."

The man stopped cutting his hair and whipped the apron off of Tony, Brushing him down.

Then he ushered Tony up to the counter to pay.

"I'll give you a discount for my mistake, but next time, stay away from my wife. Or you won't have any hair left." He muttered menacingly. Loud enough for only Tony to hear.

"She's your wife? What is my problem, lately this keeps happening a lot. Well, how do you do?" Tony held out his hand and shook the other's firmly, pressing his money into the mans palm.

"Keep the changed." He said as he walked out the door, annoyed at the bell because it started to ring. "I really hate those things."

* * *

I hope it was funny. It seemed kind of off to me. But oh, well, I hope you liked it! Let me know. _**REVIEW!**_

Thankies,

OSK


	10. Original Ending

**Disclaimer:** I own nada to do with NCIS or it's characters.

Please Enjoy!

* * *

It was the end of another case and everyone had paperwork to do. As usually happens with a task that one dreads, the paper work was being put off.

Ziva, McGee, Abby, and Ducky all seemed more interested in telling of Tony's latest pick up gone awry.

Gibbs was ignoring the proceedings. Listening to the conversation, but getting his work done at the same time. They had all afforded a little break. They had worked hard, as they always did.

"I think you've lost your touch." Ziva told Tony, as he tried hard to ignore all of them.

Tony looked up sharply. "I have not."

She laughed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I can't have lost the 'touch' because I have a date tonight. So how is that for the 'touch?'"

Before Ziva could answer, the bell on the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

A beautiful young lady stepped out onto their floor and put her hand in the door while she perused the room to keep it open.

Her eyes fell on Tony and she glared, walking over to him.

She stalked over to him. "I've been trying to reach you."

"Sorry, works been crazy." He replied smiling up at her glowering face.

"I have to call off our date."

"What? Why?"

"Apparently you dated my friend a while back and well…lets just say she gave me a tip. She warned me about you."

"Wait, who's your friend."

"Jeanne Benoit. Ring any bells?"

Tony flinched and tried not to look at his co-workers all watching this exchange silently.

"You know Jeanne?"

"Oh yeah I know her, and you broke her heart. I don't know if she'll ever get over you!"

"She will, after all I'm just a lowly scumbag. It's not hard to get over me."

The woman seemed to looked shocked and taken aback. Her eyes softened minimally. "Well, I have to be going, I just wanted to tell you I was calling off the date."

"Thanks." _It would've been better if you'd simply shown me up but have it your way._

She nodded curtly, turned on her heel, and left.

Tony grabbed the paperwork he had finished and swiveled in his chair to put it in his file.

The slamming of the filing cabinet seemed like magic. Suddenly Abby was up and giving Tony a hug. Then she was hurrying away with Ducky to get to her lab. Ziva was watching Tony apprehensively from her desk, and McGee was studiously keeping his head down.

Gibbs hadn't said a word or even looked up from his paperwork.

"So, why didn't you shake her hand and say, 'how do you do?'"

"I'd already met her, Ziva." Tony replied coldly, finishing up the rest of his paperwork and setting in the slot to go to the director. "Plus, I've found that technique doesn't work so well sometimes."

Ziva was worried, he was trying for light banter with that last statement, but it didn't have his usual style and flair with it.

She bit her lip and she began filling out her paperwork.

"Gibbs?"

"You can go, Tony." Gibbs told him, looking up.

Tony nodded. "Thanks Boss."

He gathered up his stuff and left in a hurry.

"Well hopefully, he goes out and finds himself a one night stand. He needs to relieve some tension."

Gibbs shook his head and finished his paperwork. "He won't."

"How do you know?"

"What do I do when I go home?"

"You think he's going to start building a boat?"

"No." Gibbs shook his head. _He'll find something else to do._

* * *

It started raining on his way home. _Fabulous._ Tony thought as he turned on the windshield wipers.

He slammed his hands against the steering wheel and gripped it tightly.

When he got home he stood outside in the rain for a few minutes, letting himself get chilled to the bone. Then he went inside and sat down on his couch, dripping water everywhere.

He took out his cellphone and shrugged out of his coat.

He wiped his hands dry and flipped the phone open. Then started going through his pictures, smiling.

He never could resist smiling when he saw her smile. Tony exited his pictures and stared at his wallpaper. _Jeanne…_

Then he flipped his phone shut and got up to go take a shower. For the rest of the night he smiled. It felt good to know she still existed. He thought maybe he'd made her all up…

* * *

I'm sorry this ended on a sad note. This isn't how I pictured it going. I hope my writing was good, despite the way this story ended and I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story!

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter._** REVIEW!**_

Thankies for reading this to the end,

OSK


	11. Alternate Ending

**Disclaimer:** I own nada to do with NCIS or it's characters.

Please Enjoy this alternate ending, it's much funnier or it should be than the original ending.

* * *

It was the end of another case and everyone had paperwork to do. As usually happens with a task that one dreads, the paper work was being put off.

Ziva, McGee, Abby, and Ducky all seemed more interested in telling of Tony's latest pick up gone awry.

Gibbs was ignoring the proceedings. Listening to the conversation, but getting his work done at the same time. They had all afforded a little break. They had worked hard, as they always did.

"I think you've lost your touch." Ziva told Tony, as he tried hard to ignore all of them.

Tony looked up sharply. "I have not."

She laughed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I can't have lost the 'touch' because I have a date tonight. So how is that for the 'touch?'"

Before Ziva could answer, the bell on the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

A beautiful young lady stepped out onto their floor and put her hand in the door while she perused the room to keep it open.

"I'll prove it to you, Ziva. I have not lost the touch."

He stood up and walked over to her holding out his hand. "Hello, how do you do?"

"Fine, thank you." She told him shaking his hands.

"So what brings you here to NCIS?"

"Oh, I need to speak with an agent that works here. Supposedly in this department."

"Oh, who?"

"Um," She pulled a folder from her bag. "Anthony Dinozzo?"

"Well look no further, what can I help you with?"

Ziva and the others looked as confused and Tony sounded.

"Is there somewhere more private we can talk?" Asked the woman, staring down Ziva and the others.

"Uh, sure. Right this way." Tony lead her back into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. Then he flipped the switch to stop the elevator and stood there trying to look casual and sexy.

"I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"

"My name is Rachelle Farley and I am here about your recent psych evaluation."

Tony started to fidget nervously. "What- what about it?"

"Well, either someone in our department messed up on your file or you have a problem on your hands."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I came in here to tell you that you are afraid of commitment and a couple of other things I thought you ought to know that may interfere with your job, and I see you are neither 6' 5" nor do you have tan curly hair with glasses. So who took you psych evaluation?"

"Oh. Haha. That see, the time of my appointment conflicted with a previous engagement and when I tried to call in and change it, they said that I couldn't. So I paid a fellow colleague to go in and take it for me."

"And you thought that was alright?"

"Umm…"

"Because you now have a $200 fine and you have to reschedule another psych evaluation."

"$200...wait did I here you say two hundred?"

She nodded, serious and annoyed.

"Ok, well, when's the best time for me to come in."

"Anytime you are not preoccupied with…a previous engagement."

"Alright. I call them and let them know as soon as I can."

"Try before the end of the day tomorrow."

He nodded and flipped the switch.

"Oh, also. What are you doing later tomorrow?"

"Are you trying to ask me out?" She asked in a disbelieving tone.

"Well…yeah you could say that."

"No I will not go on a date with you."

Tony flipped the switch again.

"What are you doing?" She asked frantically.

"I will not flip that switch again until you agree to go out with me."

"What? That's blackmail! Let me out this instant."

He shook his head and laughed playfully.

She lunged for the circuit board, trying to switch the elevator on again, but Tony rushed in front of it so she rushed right into him.

"Please let me out." She pleaded quietly. "I get really claustrophobic."

"You know what you need to do." He told her.

"FINE!" she pulled out her business card and gave it to him.

"My number." He nodded and flipped the switch then chuckled.

"Thank you." He got off on the floor below his and rushed up the stairs. When he entered the office they all stared at him.

"What was that all about?" Abby asked.

"She wanted to ask me out." He told them shrugging and trying to get back to his paperwork.

"Sure she did." Ziva said sarcastically.

"She wanted to talk to you about your psych eval."

"What, how did you know?" Tony exclaimed outraged.

"She was the one who interviewed me, and I never forget a face." Ziva said smiling. She started to chuckle before Tony threw a wadded up piece of paper at her.

"If you must know Ziva, we do have a date. Well soon, she gave me her card with her number on it." He smiled and tossed the card over to Ziva.

Ziva examined it and laughed uproariously.

"What?" Tony asked suspiciously.

"Did you even look at this card?" she asked breathing heavily.

"Not really, why?"

"It seems you have been misinformed." Ziva told him. "This card says, '1-800-goawaycreep.'" She tossed it back and laughed at him some more.

"Gosh Danget!" Tony said loudly to himself.

Gibbs cracked a smile but looked up. "All right everyone, time to get that paperwork done. Enough stalling."

Abby and Ducky left for the lab and autopsy and everyone else got to work. Tony threw the card in the trash can and glared at it for a minute, before getting back to work.

* * *

I hope ya'll like this alternate ending. I think it's funny, it's at least funnier than the original ending.

Anyways, _**REVIEW!**_ and let me know what you thought!

Thankies,

OSK


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